Apology and Acknowledgment to Women

APOLOGY and ACKNOWLEDGMENT to WOMEN

Context for this Article

A number of people asked me where I got the idea for this article ‘Apology and Acknowledgment to Women’. Some wondered if I had an ulterior motive. Some thought I was labeling all men as abusive. Some thought I was trying to speak for all men. Some had a lot of emotions come up and had a big release or clearing.

Things I write about are usually caused by someone who asked me to, or someone who asked me to assist them with their personal growth. If I feel called, I go into meditation and see what materializes. In the case of this piece, a friend, Joanie, asked me to participate in her birthday ceremony where she was to marry herself. Another way of saying it is, Joanie had done lots of self-healing and came to a place where she wanted to commit to loving herself for who she is now and for her future.

With meditation and input from women and men, I decided to write this article. I understand everyone reading this will be at different levels of their personal growth or awareness. I am aware that some acts of violence, physical or psychological, may leave individuals so traumatized, acceptance may be out of the question. Therefore, I choose to preface that the apology I wrote pertains to any female who choose to hear or read my words, and those who are working through or have worked through their “being the victim” issues and come to a place of acceptance, gratitude and completion, or oneness and are ready to move on.

My History with Joanie

The events of this article began one day in late January 2011, when my friend, Joanie, called and asked me if I would participate in her fifty-seventh birthday ceremony. When I asked Joanie what it was that she wanted me to do during the ceremony, her response was, “Leotha, I don’t know. I just know you’re supposed to be there and you will know what to do.” Joanie advised me it would be a very intimate group and I would be the only male there.

Upon hearing those words, my first thoughts were, “I don’t think I want to be there. What purpose would I serve?” But, my heart or right brain told me to open up to what was being asked of me. In this space, I was open to listening to Joanie without thinking I needed to know at that moment what I would do at her ceremony. I knew this could also be an opportunity for me to practice humility and compassion. I accepted Joanie’s invitation to participate in some way.

After completing our call, I wondered what it was that I was supposed to do. I knew I just needed to meditate and I would be shown what to do. I also felt called to sleep on it, knowing I would have more clarity the next morning.

I recall about five years ago when I first met Joanie, she spoke from time to time about her relationship with her daughter’s father; during some of her sharing it was apparent that there wasn’t a good relationship between them. I had learned that Joanie raised her daughter alone after her daughter’s father abandoned the two of them shortly after Joanie became pregnant.

I admit, I saw Joanie as being someone who seemed to dislike men in general. I felt Joanie seemed deeply wounded as some of her conversations included making complaints about men in one way or another. Hearing those judgments, I did not feel comfortable being in Joanie’s presence.

Several years later, I remember hearing Joanie share about her daughter deciding to re-connect with her father. Joanie also spoke about how she had decided to participate in group counseling sessions with her daughter and her daughter’s father. I became impressed at how much Joanie had shifted from the way she was being when I first met her. Now she was moving to a place of acceptance and letting go of a lot of anger and resentment from being abandoned by her daughter’s father.

I thought to myself, “I wonder if Joanie has ever had an apology done by a man and been acknowledged for the inner work she had done.” I had done the exercise many times with women who felt a deep sense of relief and exhilaration after being apologized to and acknowledged. I thought, “Joanie has released a lot of the anger and pain associated with the resentment, guilt and shame that she may have felt while going through pregnancy and raising her daughter all by herself.”

Later that day, I went into meditation to get some insight or suggestions about what I might do for Joanie’s birthday ceremony. During the meditation it became clear that I was to write an apology and acknowledgment piece. The next morning when I awoke it was clear that I was to do the apology and acknowledgment. After doing the apology and acknowledgment, I would take Joanie through an exercise of calling back her life-force energy, because I was sure that she would release a lot of energy. By having Joanie call back her life-force, she would reclaim energy that would assist in bringing her back into balance.

It didn’t take long to write a quick draft and send it to several female friends and associates to get some feedback. Within a couple of days I had a finished draft and was ready to read it to Joanie during her birthday ceremony.

I was not prepared for the response I got in regard to what I was planning to do. Those women I spoke to in person, encouraged me to also write a generic apology and acknowledgment for all women. Several women sent me emails thanking me and saying just reading it allowed them to feel a release of emotional energy. I offered to write a personal apology and acknowledgment and several accepted.

Several days prior to Joanie’s birthday ceremony, I offered to send her a copy of the apology and acknowledgment, but her response was, “No Leotha, I don’t want to see it before the ceremony. I want you to read it to me, so I can I hear it for the first time.”

On the day of Joanie’s birthday ceremony, the setting was outdoors under a majestic redwood tree in Joanie’s yard. One of Joanie’s friends led the ceremony by setting a powerful space with an opening ritual honoring Mother Earth and the Divine Feminine.

Joanie chose to stand up during her ceremony while leaning against the redwood. I decided to place a chair near Joanie, just in case she needed to sit down later. Since I had done several spur of the moment apology and acknowledgments, felt Joanie may have an emotional reaction after completing the calling back her life-force exercise and might need to sit down.

When it came my turn to read Joanie’s apology and acknowledgment, I was apprehensive about how the exercise might go.  While reading the apology and acknowledgment I could feel a powerful heart-to-heart connection with Joanie.

Once I finished reading the apology and acknowledgment I told Joanie I was going to do an exercise that would allow her to call back her life-force or Chi. I instructed Joanie to create an imaginary Gold Sun above the top of her head about the size of a 10-gallon balloon. After instructing Joanie to telepathically call back her life-force energy into her imaginary Gold Sun above the top of her head, I asked her to imagine allowing the life-force energy to flow from the imaginary Gold Sun into her body through the top of her head. Shortly thereafter I could see Joanie began to reach out toward the chair that was sitting nearby. I reached over and brought the chair to Joanie so she could sit down. After the exercise was complete, Joanie looked at me and said, “Wow, that was really powerful, thank you.”

Another friend of Joanie’s then read the poem “Imagine a Woman” by Patricia Lynn Reilly, www.imagineAwoman.com The reading of this poem was naturally very powerful for all the women present.

At the close of Joanie’s birthday ceremony, I felt a deep sense of gratitude for being part of this special day she created. I expressed my gratitude to Joanie and the other women who were present.

APOLOGY

Joanie,

On behalf of men who have betrayed you, lied to you, abandoned you, refused to listen to you, been uncaring, emotionally detached, unconcerned, rude and mean, hateful, abusive emotionally, verbally, physically/intimately and/or did anything you feel I did to make life painful and difficult for you, I apologize.

You had every right and reason to become angry and frustrated at my being insensitive to your needs.

I apologize for violating your innocence as a child and continued to cause you extreme emotional and physical pain as you grew older. You had every right to hate me and be distrustful of me.

I apologize for dishonoring your trust at a time when you were vulnerable, leaving a gaping hole of disillusionment and feeling alone and betrayed.

I apologize for not responding forthrightly and compassionately to your authentic and trusting self.

I apologize for taking advantage of your willingness to open your heart and soul to the natural feeling of love, passion and joy you may have felt at any time.

I apologize for abandoning you at a time when you needed me the most, especially while going through your pregnancy and having to raise our daughter alone.

I apologize for lying and making uncalled-for excuses when you asked me why I was acting the way I was.

I apologize for not being able to say I was betraying you, because I was unable to connect on a deep heart-centered level to understand and feel your love.

I apologize for not knowing how to love myself, therefore I had no concept of how to love you.

I apologize for being so uncaring and not asking you what your needs were.

I apologize for not even taking the time to be fully present when you cornered me, trying to explain what your needs were.

I apologize for the countless times I could have just held you in my arms and said, “I don’t know what to do, but I am here for you and I love you.”

I apologize for not having the patience to hear you out, but instead I would run away and hide.

I apologize for being so unemotional and unconcerned about what mattered most to you.

I apologize for being so emotionally detached, self-centered and clueless about what was truly important in building a deep committed relationship with you.

I apologize for being mean, rude and always making you wrong, so I could be right.

I apologize for not honoring you as the Divine Feminine Goddess you are.

I now admit to using poor judgment while causing you emotional, and sometimes physical pain and suffering. What I choose to do is apologize.

 ACKNOWLEDGMENT

Joanie,

I acknowledge you for being a beautiful woman, powerful Spirit and wonderful Soul.

I acknowledge you for your strength and courage to persevere during times when those who you assumed would be there for you, were not.

I acknowledge you for standing up as a Mother, taking on the responsibility and challenge of raising a strong, very intelligent, self-assured and beautiful daughter.

I acknowledge you for allowing your needs to take a back seat to the needs of our daughter.

I acknowledge you for doing the best you could with what you had.

I acknowledge you for having the courage to follow your Heart’s calling to leave home and family to experience what it is to discover one’s Soul’s desire.

I acknowledge you for setting up a daily practice for personal and professional growth.

I acknowledge you for having the awareness that life’s experiences are divinely guided in order for one to learn and grow.

I acknowledge you for being aware that life is not so much about right or wrong, but about the lessons one learns along the way.

I acknowledge you for following your desire for “being in community” and building “community” wherever you live.

I acknowledge you for being a “beacon of light” for those who are seeking and aware.

I acknowledge you for being committed to assisting your fellow Humans in teaching nutrition, sustainable living and well-being.

I acknowledge you for knowing “your job is done” now that our daughter is a capable and responsible adult.

I acknowledge you into the future as your visions become reality.

I acknowledge you into the future as having a life filled with abundance and wealth of Soul Qualities, to include LOVE, JOY, PASSION and SERENITY.

I acknowledge you, Joanie, into the future as you live your life purpose with responsible FREEDOM, GRACE and EASE!

Namaste…

So be it…

And so it is….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I wrote in my book “How Life Happens For Me, Not To Me….When I STOP Playing SMALL”, unless one moves to a place of acceptance and gratitude for life’s experiences, they usually feel stuck and do not feel free of their past.

Whether you choose forgiveness or acceptance or both, it is not about the other person(s). It’s a waste of time and energy wondering if the perpetrator will ask for forgiveness and/or change. The experience affords you, who have felt victimized, an opportunity to accept the experience as part of your growth to becoming a strong and capable person who chooses to move to a place of acceptance and gratitude for the experience. The sooner one is able to move through the process to acceptance and gratitude, the sooner their suffering dissipates. For those who have gone through the acceptance process, myself included, we ask ourselves, “Why did it take me so long?”

Naturally, everyone moves along their life journey at different speeds. Some may shift more quickly, once they gain awareness of how beneficial acceptance can be in moving forward. Change requires one to let go of their “story” and take responsibility for creating a life they desire and deserve.

APOLOGY

 To all females: Mothers, Grandmothers, Sisters, Daughters, Stepdaughters, Aunts, Nieces, and Stepsisters:

On behalf of men who have betrayed you, lied to you, abandoned you, refused to listen to you, been uncaring, emotionally detached, unconcerned, rude and mean, hateful, abused you emotionally, verbally, physically/intimately and/or did anything you feel I did to make life painful and difficult for you, I apologize.

You had every right and reason to become angry and frustrated at my being insensitive to your needs.

I apologize for violating your innocence as a child and continuing to cause you extreme emotional and physical pain as you grew older. You had every right to hate me and be distrustful of my motives.

I apologize for dishonoring your trust at any time when you were vulnerable, leaving a gaping hole of disillusionment, and feeling alone and betrayed.

I apologize for not responding forthrightly and compassionately to your authentic and trusting self.

I apologize for taking advantage of your willingness to open your heart and soul to the natural feeling of love, passion and joy you may have felt at any time.

I apologize for abandoning you at a time when you needed me most, especially while going through pregnancy and raising our children.

I apologize for lying and making uncalled-for excuses when you asked me why I was acting the way I was.

I apologize for not being able to say I was betraying you, because I was unable to connect on a deep heart-centered level to understand and feel your love.

I apologize for not knowing how to love myself; therefore I had no concept of how to love you.

I apologize for being so uncaring and not asking what your needs were.

I apologize for not even taking the time to be fully present when you cornered me, trying to explain what your needs were.

I apologize for the countless times I could have just held you in my arms and said, “I don’t know what to do, but I am here for you and I love you.”

I apologize for not having the patience to hear you out, but instead I would run away and hide.

I apologize for being so unemotional and unconcerned about what mattered to you.

I apologize for being so emotionally detached, self-centered and clueless about what was truly important in building a deep committed relationship with you.

I apologize for being mean, rude and always making you wrong, so I could be right.

I apologize for not honoring you as the Divine Feminine Goddess you are.

I now admit to using poor judgment while causing emotional and sometimes physical pain and suffering. What I choose to do is apologize.

 ACKNOWLEDGMENT

I acknowledge you for being a beautiful woman, powerful Spirit and wonderful Soul.

I acknowledge you for your strength and courage to persevere during times when those who you assumed would be there for you were not.

I acknowledge you for standing up as a Mother, taking on the responsibility and challenge of raising our children.

I acknowledge you for allowing your needs to take a back seat to the needs of our children.

I acknowledge you for doing the best you could with what you had.

I acknowledge you for knowing “your job is done” now that our children are capable adults and responsible individuals.

I acknowledge you into the future for seeing your visions become a reality.

I acknowledge you into the future for having a life filled with abundance and wealth of Soul Qualities, to include LOVE, JOY, PASSION and SERENITY.

I acknowledge you into the future as you live your life purpose with responsible FREEDOM, GRACE and EASE!

Namaste…..

So be it……

And so it is

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To allow for easier processing of emotions that may have come up to be released, I recommend you read Chapter 7; “Calling Back Your Life-Force or Chi”, from my book “How Life Happens For Me, Not To Me………When I STOP Playing SMALL”, available at http://www.booklocker.com/books/4570.html   Toward the end of the chapter is an exercise for calling back your life-force or chi. The exercise is listed below:

The Sequence for Calling Back Your Life-Force or Chi

Ground into the Earth and/or center yourself while breathing through your heart. Create an imaginary Gold Sun or bubble above your head. If you know your healing colors, imagine your bubble is one of those colors. Then telepathically call back your life-force energy into the Gold Sun or healing bubble, from the people and situations where you either gave your energy away intentionally or unconsciously, or had your energy taken from you, with or without your permission. You are not calling your energy back from your spouse/partner, children you are caring for, close family members, close friends/associates, current employer(s)/clients, co-workers. You are calling back your energy without judgment, guilt, resentment, shame, attachment, etc. You are calling it back because it belongs to you! Your life-force energy or chi will return cleansed and purified!

You may get visions or sense some of the people from where your energy is coming, but that is not the point. The point is you have asked for your highest good, that your energy be returned and your request is granted. You are calling back your life-force energy from people and incidents during this lifetime and if you believe, from past lives as well.

You will sense when the recall is complete. You can make the Gold Sun or healing bubble as large as you wish. It’s all energy, therefore you have access to unlimited space. When the recall is complete, expand the Gold Sun or healing bubble even larger so you can call back the energy of past “good time feelings.”

As you continue to breathe through your heart, telepathically call back the energy of the fun times you had during the years of childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. There is no need to try and force yourself to remember these times, just allow it to happen. You may or may not have instances show up in your mind/vision. Remember you are calling back the energy of the feelings only, not the people, places or things that were involved during these fun/happy times. This energy is cleansed and purified. You will sense when the recall is complete.

Once the recall is complete, imagine there is a zipper or valve at the bottom of the Gold Sun or healing bubble. You telepathically reach up and open the zipper or valve to allow your life-force and feel-good energy to flow down through the top of your head or your crown Chakra. Your life force and feel-good energies know where their place is within your body as they flow down through your Chakras. Your returning cleansed and purified energy remembers where it was originally, prior to leaving you. The energy flows throughout your cells, tissues and muscles, as well as your Auric field. The energy provides a seal around you as it flows into the earth around your feet and out the base of your spine. You will sense when the discharge from your Gold Sun or healing bubble is complete.

It is important to continue breathing (LOVE) through your heart to ease the reintegration process for your just returned life-force and feel-good energies. There may be some anxiety in part(s) of the body just after the download. If this occurs, just breathe LOVE into the area of anxiety to allow the returning energy more time to re-acclimatize itself. Some of our returning energy may have been gone since early childhood. I recommend you call back your life-force energy before going to sleep at night and when you awaken in the morning. For those practitioners performing body/energy-work, caregiver, counseling, or working with people who unconsciously use others as “energy filling stations,” you may wish to call back your energy after each session or several times a day. For those who know they are empathic, this exercise provides good practice for staying grounded. When we intentionally release energy that is not ours through meditation or some other exercise/ritual, we create a void in our body/energy field. By calling back our life-force energy at the end of the exercise/ritual, we allow the void to be filled with what we choose, rather than have energy that had become comfortable returning later.

Since our bodies can adjust to and accept almost anything over time, i.e., abuse through physical and verbal violence, unhealthy and toxic habits through peer pressure, media and cultural norms, we must be persistent in having a daily ritual where we retrain our bodies to function energetically without uninvited outside energies. Remember, there are many ways to get the same or similar results. So, feel free to change this ritual to suit what feels right for you.

 Optional exercise: Communicating With Your Inner Child

• Close your eyes and breathe normally through your heart, while remaining grounded / centered and in your Right Brain.
• Set your intention to connect with your Inner Child to make sure you both are in sync.
• You may visually see, or sense your Inner Child is with you and waiting for you to acknowledge him/her by telepathically saying how much you love him/her as you both embrace.
• Tell your Inner Child that you have everything under control and there is no need for him/her to feel you need to be protected.
• Telepathically ask your Inner Child what it has to say to you. Once your Inner Child has finished communicating with you, ask if he/she is complete at this time.
• Once your Inner Child is complete, give him/her another hug and tell him/her that you love him/her.
• When you feel it’s appropriate, open your eyes and come back into ordinary reality.

Copyright June 2011 by Leotha Douglas

http://TheRecalibrationProcess.com